Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Millennials More Accepting of Homosexuality Than of Abortion

In a survey conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute, 42 percent of millennial respondents said sex between two adults of the same gender was morally acceptable, while 37 percent said the same of casual sex. Twenty-four percent said sex between minors was acceptable, and 21 percent said so of abortion.

When asked if they supported abortion for homosexuals, 58% said yes, but only if they were pregnant as a result of having sex with a heterosexual. 

42% favored aborting all millenials.

Monday, March 30, 2015

The Garlic: Items from the Crumbling Towers:

Iran still not satisfying the USA in guaranteeing Israeli security by promising to never ever ever ever create nuclear balance in the middle east by coming up with a nuke to counter Israel’s several hundred.

Convicted rapists refuse to honor USA request that they lecture on morals on college campuses and at military academies.

Washington warheads and other congressional chicken hawks unite in expressed outrage at another member of the military who thinks and expresses criticism for his country’s crimes against other nations: demand severe punishment for his individual courage shown in matter of war instead of practicing patriotic duty to kill and go shopping and shut the fuck up about anything else.

Congressional employees of corporate capital sign new law to bring in more cheap foreign labor than ever before by using airliners, boats, trains, autos and matter transformers to bring new workers in from Africa and Asia as well as potential new life forms found in outer space. Business Council praises new law, sadly accuses complaining displaced workers and newly crowded communities of racism, and cries, hysterically, all the way to the bank.

New generation of American “pet parents” vow to breast-feed their dog and cat families in protest against animal hair found in pet food.

AIPAC sponsors kiss-and-make-up meeting of Obama and Netanyahu at White House, but later protests that the president’s kiss was not as soulful as the Israeli’s and charges anti-semitism, holocaust denial and accuses Obama of planning annihilation of all jewish people not already employed by the administration. Rahm Emanuel leaves country.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

To Avert Repeat of 2008, Clinton Team Hopes to Keep Bill at His Best

Bill Clinton wants to play a central role in his wife's presidential run, though he was often a frustrated and unpredictable presence in 2008, this time, advisers are trying to harness his gifts and rein in his impulses.

Advisers demand a "no open fly" zone when Bill is around women and warn against his smoking cigars while the political papparazzi are around.

"I will do everything in my power to get back into the white house, uh, get my wife back in, that is. That depends on what is is, of course, but that said, it is what it is."

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Woman Initiates Gender Bias Suit Against Mafia

Gelcimina Carmela Rubinstein, long time adminstrative assistant to Mafia Don Carlo Vincenzi McBerger, is suing the crime cartel for gender bias. "They never allowed me to move up in the organization, always making coffee, ordering pizza and phoning funeral parlors. If women can advance on Wall Street, in Venture Capital and other criminal activities, why should we remain locked out of management positions in real, all american criminal endeavors like the Mafia?"

 Constitutional scholars, legal academics and other professional and student shysters promised to watch this case closely.

Poland Charges Russian Air Traffic Controllers in Crash MARCH 27, 2015

The international community was shocked by latest Polish Joke.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Latest Poll Results Show What U.S. Electorate Really Wants

An exhaustive review of nationwide polls sampling public opinion about U.S. politics and presidential candidates reveals that in 2016 Americans want bigger government, smaller government, no government, and an outbreak of lethal disease that "only affects politicians." Their ideal candidate is a seasoned veteran with fresh ideas who sticks to principles and knows how to compromise; someone untainted by corruption with proven ability to succeed at massive campaign fundraising, so they can "stick it to": (1) right-wing nutcases (2) lib-tards (3) Nader traitors (4) terrorist appeasers (5) illegal immigrants (6) the liberal media (7) the conservative media (8) Jews (9) Nazis (10) Jews who act like Nazis (11) Nazis who fund-raise like Jews (12) Woody Allen and Bill Cosby.

Ideologically, Americans favor less Pentagon spending, "as long as it doesn't help the terrorists," more spending on education, "as long as it doesn't help unions," less draconian criminal penalties, "as long as it doesn't help child molesters," more environmental protection, "as long as it doesn't increase regulation," greater support for working mothers, "as long as it doesn't expand welfare," and universal medical insurance, "as long as big government isn't involved."

Thursday, March 19, 2015

New Two State Solution Proposed By Israel: New York & Florida

In a startling offer, Israel's newly elected regime said it would allow Palestinians to eat regularly if the USA would sign over New York and Florida as newly occupied territories. The Obama administration said it found the offer thoughtful and would put it before the Republikud party in congress, but the Demokatz party demanded that a replica of the Wailing Wall be permanetly set up at the nation's capital before it would support the proposal.